In case you missed it...

This is the funniest version of the "Ronald Reagan is still dead" story that I've seen yet.

This is true in virtually every state

DENVER, June 26, 2004 — Colorado's new Driving Under the Influence (DUI) law could cost an offender close to $10,000 for a first-time offense, officials said. "It can run as much as several thousand dollars for somebody who has been convicted of DUI when you consider court costs, community service, legal fees and other expenses," said Colorado State Patrol Chief Mark Trostel. "It's pretty significant." Mairi Nelson, Colorado's Transportation Department spokesperson, calculated that a first-time conviction could cost $9,500 for attorney fees, an auto insurance increase, the court fine, and other costs in time from lost work and time spent in community service.

A first-time DUI conviction also carries 12 points, which means automatic license suspension for at least a month, often followed by a five-month probationary license. Nelson said her research showed a three- to five-year impact with car insurance premium costs jumping $4,800. "Frankly, knowing that your insurance will be affected and your rates will likely skyrocket when you get caught driving drunk is, for many people, as much or more of a deterrent than getting a ticket and paying a fine," she said. The law also lowered the blood alcohol level from 0.1% to 0.08%.

Tinfoil hat time

WASHINGTON - The government needs to establish guidelines for canceling or rescheduling elections if terrorists strike the United States again, says the chairman of a new federal voting commission....

Soaries was appointed to the federal Election Assistance Commission last year by President Bush.

Occupation follies

The formal occupation of Iraq came to an ignominious end yesterday with a furtive ceremony, held two days early to foil insurgent attacks, and a swift airborne exit for the chief administrator. In reality, the occupation will continue under another name, most likely until a hostile Iraqi populace demands that we leave. But it's already worth asking why things went so wrong.

They know the score...

Vice President Cheney visited Yankee Stadium yesterday....

"During the singing of 'God Bless America' in the seventh inning, an image of Cheney was shown on the scoreboard. It was greeted with booing, so the Yankees quickly removed the image."

Hypocrisy alert!

"Clubs have started booking private parties for delegates anxious to ogle topless beauties after a day of watching fully clothed politicians boast about family values."

Welcome to the new home of the Marprelate Tracts!

In an effort to make my quips more timely and my blogging less arduous I have decided to move to a new home... I hope it livens up your day.

-Martin