Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Conan stalked by domestic terrorists

How bad have things gotten when our own action-hero gubonator must endure the onslaught of domestic terror? Is nothing sacred?

Now as you may know, we all hate those Hollywood types who tell us how to live our lives and meet our budgets and who to ass-fuck or not ass-fuck -- unless they are Republicans! We just adore those GOP-made-in-Hollywood-tough-guys -- I get so excited when I see them on FoxNews that I just fart!

But they are a rare breed. Now that Reagan has been reverently ensconced inside his pyramid in Simi Valley (hey, wasn't Bush Sr supposed to go in there with him, ya know, Smithers-style?) and Clint has given up politics for his effete love of jazz and artsy-fartsy films there are few left to carry the banner of simulated machismo. That is why it is so important that we do what we can to protect what is perhaps the purest specimen of star-spangled-mock-hero from a Islamo-fascist-loving-commie-pinko-librul onslaught!

A New Kind of Crowd for Governor: "Everywhere Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger goes these days there's a crowd. But they're not looking for his autograph.

As he darted across the country in the last five days, raising campaign money and dropping in at the fitness exhibition he co-founded, Schwarzenegger was shadowed by demonstrators protesting his plans for overhauling state government.

The core group consists of nurses upset about Schwarzenegger's attempt to scale back hospital staffing requirements and firefighters worried about pensions. They're getting support from out-of-state colleagues, who turned up at Schwarzenegger's East Coast events this week and heckled him fiercely."
Yes, I know what you're thinking, 'if they can protest Arnold, who is safe?' But it gets worse -- listen to the things these rage-addicted 'progressive' losers dare say to our homonculus of hard work (as epitomized in Pumping Iron):
"'Screw Arnold!' protesters shouted from the street as the governor dined with donors Monday at the tony 21 Club in Manhattan.

Schwarzenegger had ducked into the establishment through a service entrance to escape about 100 demonstrators; New York Gov. George Pataki had gone in the front door."
What a shocking lack of respect. You just know that those pathetic 'nurses' and 'firefighters' would just love to be screwed by the mighty teutonic 'Schlonginator.' Nosirree! they can keep their hairy snatches and filthy man-pussies to themselves.

[Not that Arnold isn't man enough for some rough trade -- no one can gang-bang like Arnold:"Arnold Schwarzenegger once told a magazine interviewer about participating in an orgy with other bodybuilders, noting that 'everybody jumped on' the woman involved and 'took her upstairs where we all got together.' The California Republican added that not every muscleman participated in the gang bang, 'just the guys who can fuck in front of other guys. Not everybody can do that. Some think that they don't have a big-enough cock, so they can't get a hard-on....'"]

And finally, can you just imagine the indignity of entering through the servants entrance?: the filth smeared on the floor, the odors of rotting vegetables, the cramped elevator stinking of sweat... now, I ask you, how is Arnold supposed to focus on tapping the wealthy and privileged for "the maximum contribution of $22,300 to his reelection fund" with the stink of rotting celery permeating his clothes?

For the good of our nation and GOP-Hollywood-musclebots everywhere, this treasonous campaign of librul-hate-terror-speech must be stopped!